Dec 29, 2006

Holidays hard for adult caregivers

By Shaun Bishop / Daily News Staff Writer

Eighty-three-year-old Albert Real is tired. He spends much of his day caring for his wife Patricia, 79, who is partially paralyzed on the right side of her body.

She needs help getting dressed, brushing her hair, getting to the bathroom. He does the cooking, the driving and the wheelchair pushing. It's exhausting work that brings him to tears sometimes, but he sticks with it.

"I do a lot of praying. I ask God for help," says Real, who has been married to Patricia for 51 years.

The Oakland man is one of millions of Californians who provide care for an adult family member or loved one. They give necessary help and support to those who can no longer care for themselves.

Real has received recent assistance from a woman he hired to help cook some meals, and his two sons live nearby and visit several times a week. But the demanding service can take a toll on caregivers, who can get burned out or depressed, especially during the holiday season.

Such previously routine tasks as decorating the house or shopping for gifts can become a burden when free time is taken up by caring for a loved one, sometimes causing a melancholy known as the "holiday blues," said Donna Schempp, program director for San Francisco-based Family Caregivers Alliance, which has helped Real.

"It's hard when things are different. The holidays are really when we want to kind of get into the known and familiar," Schempp said.

"They're just doing the best they can and they're trying very hard," she said. "You keep trying to do it all and you can't, and when you can't, you feel bad."

The alliance, along with numerous local and national organizations, provides help to caregivers and those dependent on them with services like support groups and counseling.

Caregivers often don't know what resources are available to them, said Marsha Fong, a health services manager for San Mateo County's Aging and Adult Services Department. Among other services, the county offers training on first aid and CPR, and body mechanics techniques.

Fong said it is crucially important for caregivers to watch out for their own well-being.

"If you don't take care of yourself then you're not as available to take care of a family member," Fong said.

Californians make up the largest group of family caregivers in the country, according to statistics compiled by the alliance.

More than 3.4 million Californians totaled some 3.6 billion hours of family care in 2004. That time and energy is estimated to be worth about $36.3 billion in annual market value.

Many companies offer caregiving services for family members who are far away from their ailing relative and have to help them from a distance.

Gene Lennon, who owns the Santa Clara County branch of Right At Home In-Home Care and Assistance, says he gets calls from customers during the holidays who simply want someone to provide companionship to their relative.

"Being aware of what's going on with your loved one is what's really important this time of year," he said.

E-mail Shaun Bishop at sbishop@dailynewsgroup.com.